Advocate for Your Child at School: Questions Every Parent Should Ask

This guide breaks down what to ask and how to advocate for your child at school during the elementary, middle, and high school years. Each section includes practical questions you can take to teachers, counselors, or administrators, along with suggestions to help you partner effectively with your child’s education team.

Elementary School

What Questions Can You Ask to Be an Effective Advocate for Your Child in Elementary School?

1. How do I know if my child is falling behind?
   
   
2. What do I do if I think my child needs special education or extra help?
   
   
3. How do I communicate concerns to the teacher without seeming difficult?
   
   
4. What rights do I have regarding my child’s education plan (e.g., IEP or 504)?
   
   
5. How can I support learning at home without overwhelming my child?
   
   

Suggestions for Parents and Guardians

• Track Progress: Keep copies of report cards, assessments, and communication logs.
  
  
• Build Relationships Early: Introduce yourself to the teacher at the beginning of the year and establish regular check-ins. Read the teacher’s communications.
  
  
• Request Meetings: Don’t hesitate to request a meeting if concerns arise; it’s your right.
  
  
• Learn the Process: Understand how evaluations work and what services your child may be entitled to (e.g., through IDEA or Section 504).
  
  
• Ask Specific Questions: Instead of “How’s my child doing?” ask “What are my child’s strengths and where is support needed?”
  

Middle School

What Questions Can You Ask to Be an Effective Advocate for Your Child in Middle School?

1. My child is struggling with organization and homework. How can I help?
   
   
2. How can I stay involved when my child wants more independence?
   
   
3. What can I do if my child is being bullied or excluded? What can I do if my child is the bully?
   
   
4. How do I advocate for academic accommodations if issues weren’t addressed in elementary school?
   
   
5. Who do I talk to if I think my child is being overlooked?
   
   

Suggestions for Parents

• Stay Informed: Use parent portals, newsletters, and teacher emails to track assignments and grades.
  
  
• Teach Advocacy: Encourage your child to speak up for themselves, and role-play how and when to approach a teacher or counselor.
  
  
• Be Proactive with Counselors: Counselors often help coordinate support plans; schedule a meeting early in the school year.
  
  
• Monitor Social Dynamics: Ask open-ended questions about school life and friends.
  
  
• Get Familiar with the School Structure: Understand who to contact, including the homeroom teacher, subject teacher, counselor, or vice principal.

High School

What Questions Can You Ask to Be an Effective Advocate for Your Child in High School?

1. Is my child on track to graduate and meet college or career goals?
   
   
2. What can I do if I disagree with a teacher or counselor’s recommendation?
   
   
3. How do I support my teen without micromanaging?
   
   
4. What if my child is experiencing mental health or stress issues related to school?
   
   
5. How do I help my teen advocate for themselves with teachers or staff?
   
   

Suggestions for Parents

• Attend Key Meetings: Participate in course selection, college counseling, and transition planning meetings.
  
  
• Know the Graduation Requirements: Familiarize yourself with what’s required in your state or district.
  
  
• Encourage Self-Advocacy: Have your teen practice emailing teachers or requesting meetings on their own (with your support).
  
  
• Be a Partner, Not a Helicopter: Offer guidance while giving space for your teen to learn from setbacks.
  
  
• Connect with Resources: If mental health or learning issues arise, ask about access to school psychologists, social workers, or outside evaluations.
  
  

General Tips for All Levels

• Document Everything: Keep a log of conversations, meetings, and notes.
  
  
• Know Your Rights: Research federal laws (like FERPA, IDEA, and Section 504) and district policies.
  
  
• Use Your Voice: You are your child’s best advocate. Speak up, even if it’s uncomfortable. Model this for your child.
  
  
• Stay Calm, Be Clear: Focus on solutions and collaboration with educators rather than confrontation.
  
  
• Find Allies: Connect with other parents, PTA groups, or advocacy organizations for support.
  
  

At the heart of being an advocate is listening well to your child and to the education team, and then speaking up clearly when concerns arise. Modeling effective communication teaches your child how to advocate for themselves, a skill they’ll carry for life. Remember: you don’t need to know everything to be an effective advocate for your child at school, but you do need to show up, ask good questions, and stay engaged.

If you want extra support, I’d love to be part of your team. Together, we can brainstorm strategies tailored to your child’s needs so you feel confident and equipped to overcome any roadblocks as you advocate for your child. We can also teach your kids to advocate for themselves. 

Table Talk: Who advocated for you as a child? Is it harder to advocate for your child in elementary school or high school?